sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
