tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
