I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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