Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
