Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
