My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
