the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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