my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
