the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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