WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This toilet bowl is my home.
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