You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
