I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
