it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
