1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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