My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize