i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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