giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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