dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
