i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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