Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Drunk is not a location!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
