one might say we're banned from that church
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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