If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
