I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
