I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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