I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If I die, sorry about rent.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
