i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize