I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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