how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
