Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
