Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
