I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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