I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
