the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
