Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
