i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
