so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Found your dick twin last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
