Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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