i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize