I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize