I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
