oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
