New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
