my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My day in three words: secret purse cake
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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