best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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