I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
