i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
40s are totally the cure
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
