Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
