best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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