Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
