We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
