I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
