Already got asked if we're dating
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
