I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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