His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize