My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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