I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
