Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
