How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
