yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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