My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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