All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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