im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
