My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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