Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
