Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
