what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
