I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
