She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
